With Visions of Red: Broken Bonds, Book Two Read online

  She licks her lips, and that’s permission enough. My mouth is on hers, tasting, caressing, feeding the greedy demon inside me. I’m lost. Just a lost man. I died with Marni that night, and ever since I’ve been a ghost, merely haunting this world until Sadie resurrected me.

  My hunger for her can’t be sated, so I break away and stare into her eyes. “I’ll give you whatever you want…tell you anything. Just don’t leave me tonight.”

  Her gaze flicks over my face. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Taking her hand, I lead her out of the voyeur and toward the rope room. My personal room is the closest thing we have to a sanctuary—the one place that no one other than me has access to.

  I unlock and open the door, then pull her inside, shutting out the threats of the world behind us. I throw the lock and press my hands against the door. “The killer is in the club. Somewhere. Or he was,” I admit.

  “What? How do you know?”

  “He sent me a pic of you. How long have you been here?”

  “A couple of hours at least, but how do you know it’s him?”

  “You didn’t answer my calls.”

  “I don’t have a phone. Now tell me.”

  My hands stay anchored to the door, as if I can protect her with just this barrier. “I did something to make him angry. And apparently, I’m to pay for that.” The image of Sadie flashes across my eyes, and I squeeze them shut. This bastard knows right where to strike at me to make me bleed.

  I feel her hand on my shoulder. “Tell me the truth.”

  Laying my hand atop hers, I clasp her fingers and bring her around as I turn to face her. “I don’t know where to start,” I say honestly.

  “Just start.” She gives my hand a pump, then backs away, giving the room a once over. This time, she’s not distressed as she looks around, examining the equipment. Her gaze slides over the toys and ropes with fascination instead of apprehension.

  She reaches out for me, and I accept her comfort, linking our fingers together. “Colton, you unbound me, and you continue to set me free a little more every time we’re together. Nothing you can say will change that.”

  Inhaling a shaky breath, I fill my aching lungs. “That’s all I wanted, goddess. Just to show you how beautiful you are; how I see you. If I’ve done that much, then whatever penance I have to suffer is worth it.”

  Her smile sets my skin aflame, and I hate that I’m about to chase it away.

  I don’t hold back. I don’t have a choice. The note, the image…the sadistic fuck stalking her…it’s my fault. Somehow, I brought this down on her, and I’ll be the one to end it.

  “I killed Marni.” The words are released, and they hover in the air like a plume of smoke after a bomb detonates. The resounding boom of my heart echoes in my ears, and I have to say more to stop the pounding. “Carson wants to pin it on my brother, because admittedly, Julian is a fraud. He’s not real about the lifestyle. He likes the women and he likes the power of owning the club…and he makes a crazy living by blackmailing a lot of people, and he probably deserves one hell of an ass kicking, but he didn’t murder Marni. He’s not a killer. I am.”

  And there it is. The truth of me. My black soul seized right out of the abyss and lain at her feet. I wait for the shock of it to hit. For her to pull away. For her face to register the disgust about being with the monster she spends her days and nights loathing.

  But her soft features don’t change. She’s still looking at me as if she knows me, as if she trusts me. “You’re not a killer.”

  I’m the one to pull away then. “That detective is an asshole, but he’s right, Sadie. That rope he has? It’s just like the one I used to strangle Marni. It’s the rope you wear around your wrist.” I nod toward her arm. “I’m a sadist. That’s why I couldn’t let you believe you were wrong, goddess. You’re everything right. You’re looking at the twisted monster.”

  “You’re not a monster,” she says.

  “Why are you doing this? I’m trying to be honest with you—”

  “Than tell me something real,” she demands. She moves closer and places her hands on my chest. Her touch is like fire. My breathing ratchets. “Tell me what you crave and why you crave it.”

  My forehead creases as I shake my head. Why is she torturing me? “I crave you, goddess. I crave you so badly. That moment when I first looked into your eyes and I saw your fear…that fear. It’s powerful.”

  “Why?” she prompts, twisting the knife right into my heart.

  “I crave your fear because…it means you don’t desire death. You’re not lost to it. I can never look into the eyes of a lost soul seeking death again.”

  She nods encouragingly. “Because you’re not a sadist.”

  “I’m a killer!”

  “She was in pain!”

  Her words splinter my head, and I fall to my knees. “That doesn’t matter.”

  Then she’s there with me, kneeling beside me. “Marni was living, if you can even call it that, in a kind of torment most people never experience,” she says. “Pancreatic cancer, stage four. At the time of the endocrine tumor’s discovery, she was already in so much pain. She was given six months, and she spent the first three in treatment. In hell.”

  I open my eyes only to fall into hers. “She went to Julian first. She begged him to end her life. He was terrified by the whole thing. Her sickness, her desire to die. So he left her. He couldn’t handle—” I break off. “He couldn’t cope, and he wouldn’t even try. God, his rejection broke her. She loved my brother so damn much, and what fight she had for the cancer just disappeared after that. He destroyed her.”

  “But you loved her. You loved her for a long time, and you never spoke up out of respect for your brother.”

  “Is that in my file?”

  She shakes her head. “No. That’s the behavior part that links to the facts, Colton. Me deducing what I know about the man with what the file states.” She rests her hands on my thighs, bringing her face level with mine. Her eyes sear me. “What happened, Colton? What else is missing from your file?”

  I lick my lips, desperate to keep the words inside. But they’re already known. My secrets already exposed. “It might have been different if he’d stayed with her through it. I don’t know. I try not to think about it. I took time off from work to take care of her when Julian moved out. She asked me one night…she asked me to make it stop, but I couldn’t. God, I couldn’t. She was more a part of the scene than Julian ever was, so I introduced her to Shibari. She got a little relief from the pain when she was in her subspace, and so I increased the sessions. I thought I was helping. I thought she was doing better…but she was just hiding the pain from me. I should’ve seen—”

  Her hands find mine, and her touch grounds me. “What happened that night.”

  “I came in and she was hanging. In her bedroom, a rope around her neck. But she was still alive, if barely. Autoerotic affixation. She’d done it before, but she was too smart, too aware, and too cautious…this time was different. When I pulled the rope away, her eyes pleaded for me just to let her go. It’s what she wanted. She was too weak to even kill herself. She would’ve continued living in some morbid state, between life and death, with the damage she’d caused.” The scene replays vividly against my closed lids. “With her last breaths, she fed me what I needed to hear. She convinced me…and I finished it.”

  I feel Sadie’s soft hand against my cheek. The words won’t stop.

  “I couldn’t let her family find her like that. The embarrassment…most people don’t understand autoerotic affixation. I recalled the serial killings. All the news reports. In a moment of blind panic, I slipped on a pair of gloves and…I strangled her. I stared into her eyes for what felt like eternity, watching her soul leave her body. I watched the whites of her eyes fracture with red. I watched her blood stain the rope. When she was gone, her silence mocked me. I staged her death like one of the killings before I left. Not just her house, but the city. I never went back.”


  I open my eyes, finally able to hold Sadie’s gaze. “And now the demon inside me is blood thirsty. What I did opened a door—one I can’t close. I’ve been haunted, trying to find a way to exist with the fact that I’m a killer. I killed the woman I loved. I gave my soul to the devil, and the fucker punished me by turning me into a sadistic monster who craves to look into your eyes and witness your fear.”

  Both her hands move to my face as she forces me to hold her gaze. “Listen to me, Colton. You got no enjoyment from taking her life. No pleasure from watching her suffer. You are not a sadist.”

  I try to shake my head, but she holds me securely. “No,” she says, straddling my lap so that I can’t move out of her touch. “I know evil. I’ve seen evil like you have never known. I’ve stared into its eyes and suffered at its hands. You are not a killer, and you are not a sadist. You would’ve never been able to reach me if you were—and you pushed past my pain to pull me out of the darkness. We found each other. That never could’ve happened any other way.”

  I grasp her close to me. “Save me, goddess.”

  With the lips of an angel, her mouth crashes against mine, encasing me in her light. I don’t deserve atonement, I haven’t earned her redemption, but I crave it just the same. My goddess lavishes me with her beautiful forgiveness, and I’m bound to her because of it.

  My fingers dig into the fabric of her dress, gripping her to me so tightly they ache. The pain feels right. Something so maddeningly right, that I need more. She understands, because her nails dig into my back as I kiss her harder, demanding without words that she finish me.

  Just slay me here and now.

  She breaks away, her breath searing against my lips. “I trust you,” she says. “I have never trusted anyone more.”

  God, but I believe her. “I’m yours. Completely yours, goddess. Trust that.”

  “I want you to take me there. Away from the pain, and torture, and darkness. So far away from my dungeon.” She brings her hands between us and presses her wrists together. An offering. “If you belong to me, then I belong to you. Take me.”

  My arms circle her waist, holding her to me as I lift up and lay her on her back, my body blanketing her in whatever shelter I have to offer. I drive her hands over her head, anchoring her wrists to the floor as my mouth seeks the silken flesh of her neck.

  Her gasp ignites a fire in my chest, and I’m engulfed by the flames, the smoke curling around us and blotting out the harsh, judgmental light of the world. Here, with her, I’m the man who loves her. Who worships her. Who will save her right back. If this is what my goddess demands of me, then I’m but her servant.

  I seal my mouth over hers, parting her lips and tasting her sweetness. Reveling in the pure pleasure of making her mine. I pull back to look into her eyes, just for absolute confirmation.

  Her hands snake out from beneath mine to palm my face. “Love between us won’t be beautiful. I know that—I’m not asking for the illusion. I want the raw, unvarnished truth of us. That’s the only way we can be.”

  I run the back of my hand over her cheek. “It’s like you were fashioned just for me.”

  “Forged out of pain and suffering,” she whispers.

  “Then I’ll be the one to craft your pleasure.”

  Pushing onto my knees, I grab the hem of her dress and slide it up her legs. Her eyes stay with me as I spread her thighs, opening her up to me. A growl rumbles in the back of my throat as I take in her bared pussy. My sexy goddess is trying to kill me.

  Before I can do anything…I have to taste her. One selfish taste for myself, then I will focus solely on her. Roaming my palms along her thighs, I bask in the tremble of her limbs, then I dip low and take her into my mouth. Her back arches off the floor as I surround her, unable to be gentle. My need for her overwhelms all my senses.

  Her knees clamp hard against me, and my hands clutch her thighs, drawing her off the floor and closer to me. Her moans encourage me on, and when she tries to wriggle loose…so close to coming…I don’t stop. I nip her mound, drawing a cry from her mouth, and then my tongue delves into her warm center, taking her right over the edge with me.

  Her hands find my hair, then she’s grabbing my hands, searching for something solid to brace against as she climbs.

  “Colton…” My name escapes on her desperate cry, and I groan against her, just as desperate for her to fill my mouth.

  She shatters then. Her body quaking as she contorts in a beautiful arc that forces my cock to respond. Once I release her, I lower my zipper and feel the sudden relief as I’m freed.

  Sadie’s eyes take me in, a hungry glint shimmering there that makes me throb, unable to pull my gaze away. She gets to her hands and knees and kisses me, tasting herself on my tongue, and that fires off a jolt through my body. Her hand seeks me out, shamelessly gripping my cock, and when she pulls away and drops down, I say, “You don’t—”

  “I am,” she says, unyielding. “I’m going to taste you. I want to, and you won’t deny me this.”

  A devilish smile twists her lips, and I’m helpless against it. “Yes, goddess.” It’s my only response.

  Her tongue tastes me first, just sampling, and my muscles gather and tense with the divine torture of it. I’m not prepared as she takes me all the way into her mouth, closing her lips around the middle of my cock, and I suck in a sharp breath through my teeth.

  I feel her smile as she inches back. She’s enjoying the effect she has on me, her power over me, and I’m determined to let her own every part of me just to please her. As her tongue glides along my shaft, that thought drifts into a distant desire as I’m consumed by lust. My hands ball into fists at my sides as my back stiffens, and my dick becomes a rock-hard, throbbing member demanding to be thrust into her hot mouth.

  I slide my hands along her back, then to her hair. My fingers sink into the silky tumble as I release her clip to free it. The brush of her long dark layers against my skin is so tantalizing that I grip her nape, forcefully thrusting my hips, unable to hold back.

  My blood roars to life in my veins, the rush going right to my head. I could easily become lost—just fall completely at her mercy, and never eat or sleep again. Just so long as her mouth is on me, I’d die a content man. That thought has my balls tightening, and I try to pull away, but she pushes up closer, taking me deeper. Jesus—to come in her mouth…not yet.

  “Goddess, I’m stopping you now.” I grasp her arms and haul her up against me.

  “I want your taste in my mouth,” she says, and it sends a vicious shiver over my skin. I kiss her lips—those lips and that tongue that want to make me crazy.

  “Once I’ve had my fill of you,” I say, bringing us both to a stand, “I’ll let you do your worst to me. But right now, this second, I’m too greedy.”

  And I’m not slowing now. I draw the hem of her dress up and lift it over her head, letting the sleek material slip free. It pools to the floor as my gaze hungrily absorbs her flesh. It’s been too long since I’ve seen every inch of her, and I’m torn between letting my eyes continue to worship her and granting my hands permission to touch her.

  I reach behind my back and yank my shirt over my head. I toss it aside as I move in. “You were determined to torture me tonight,” I say, dropping my mouth to her shoulder, loving the feel of her bare breasts pressed against me as my teeth brand her skin. Her nipples pebble against my chest, making my cock throb along her stomach.

  “This time,” she says, grazing her fingers over my back, “I’m not holding back.”

  Showing up to the club wearing just a skimpy dress…that proves more to me than she’ll ever know. “As long as it’s for me, you can waltz around naked, goddess. Just as long as I’m the one who gets to praise your body.”

  Her head tilts back, giving me full access as I kiss a trail along the slim column of her neck. “Only you, Colton. Your touch only.”

  Her words rush right to my heart, quickening my blood. The image of her dancing with that
guy breaks through the seductive haze clouding my mind, and I force it away. She trusts me, and that trust is more than returned. I should’ve seen that lie for what it was; a tactic to get me ambushed by the cops.

  Carson’s aware of my feelings for Sadie—but so is the killer. Either one could’ve arranged that scenario. What angers me most is that I questioned Sadie after the fact. Never again. I’ll never doubt her.

  And I infuse that trust into our embrace now. “Our power exchange is you submitting to me, but not fearing that I will hurt you. I give you complete and absolute control over me. I service you, goddess. Trust that I will never hurt you.”

  She nods quickly.

  “Say you trust me,” I whisper close to her ear.

  “I trust you,” she says without hesitation.

  I sweep her into my arms and carry her to the middle of the room, to where three small silver rings dangle from a large block of bamboo suspended from the ceiling.

  I place her feet to the floor, then kiss her fervently. A groan springs free, and I reach down to push my needy cock against my stomach and zip my pants, wanting my full attention on her.

  Releasing her, I say, “This one is a bit different from the simple design I have at home.” I walk over to the wall and run my hand along the different ropes. I select the natural colored jute. This experience should be pure.

  “Do you always use the same material?” she asks.

  A pang hits my chest, but I push past the ache. “I do,” I say, returning to her side. “Jute is durable but soft. Cotton is the softest...” I trail off, knowing she understands why I’m explaining. Everything is open between us. “It’s the softest. But it also stretches, and there’s less friction, so it slips easily. It’s not ideal for suspension because of that. The rope can tighten painfully and it’s hard to unknot. I would never use cotton.”

  Her gaze remains steady on me, her eyes unblinking. “It’s the rope choice of someone who doesn’t want the other person to have the option of getting free.”

  “Yes,” I say. “It’s a good choice for hardcore bondage and…other things.”